The Backstory

It's Sept. 1, which means I'm just about three weeks shy of one year of actual, concentrated weight loss effort. Let me bring you up to speed:

After a rocky start full of fits and binges, I kind of found a groove in my weight loss (it's always easiest in the beginning, isn't it?) and was able to shed about 40 lbs in a few months. It was great. I didn't do anything fancy -- just watched my portions, counted calories and walked/biked/used the elliptical machine usually every day (one of the three, not all three). Then things sort of hit a snag. Whether through a plateau -- although I doubt it -- or a shift in my behaviors, the weight stopped flowing off and kind of started....I dunno, plopping off. By that, I mean that my progress got more erratic and would come in chunks. Four pounds one week, none the next, and with no changes in behaviors from me. It does become frustrating when you eat a certain way and work out regularly one week and lose a nice bit of weight. And then the exact same behavior the following week yields...exactly nothing. Drives me Up. The. Wall.

Of course I had insanely ambitious goals for my continued loss. And yet, I didn't think they were all that ambitious because they were based on what other people have been able to achieve. (I know, I know, compare thyself not to others.) I'm about 30 lbs BEHIND where I wanted to be at this time in my journey. And I'm frustrated, but also aware that I'm part of the problem. I'm not as focused as I once was, and that is holding me back.

It seems that everytime I get in a groove, something external (a trip, a crisis, a work assignment) arrives to disrupt my schedule. That's life, I know, and truthfully it's just that sort of thing I'm trying to learn how to deal with in a way that DOESN'T cause weight gain (ie excessive eating to calm myself down). And if you look at it that way, it's to my credit that I have NOT gained back 30 lbs, despite a summer of incredible suckittyness.

Even so...I'm disappointed in myself that yesterday I went to buy the week's groceries and, alongside all my beautiful veggies and fruit, I bought a packet of six rather large choc chip cookies, and decided to get two turkey meatballs with pasta in pesto sauce for lunch, smothered in tons of parmesan. Ohhhhhh boy. To make matters worse, I couldn't even wait until I got home to eat some of the cookies!

Anyone driving along Manhattan's UWS side yesterday might have been startled to see a rather large woman (me) biking along with a huge backpack stuffed full of items, munching a cookie while pedaling. Isn't it funny that I can question my sporting abilities when it's time to challenge myself, but my balance and strength are just fine for biking with 50 lbs of groceries on my back and reaching into a little paper bag hung off my handlebars to grab cookies that I can eat while moving?