Monday, October 4, 2010

Could I Be Normal?

I'm always asking myself what life might be like on the "other" side of weight loss.

Not the skinny side, per se, but the magical Shangri-la where food is no longer an issue. Where food doesn't have to be measured, trimmed and chopped so that it can then be corralled into a smaller size on your plate. Shangri-la is where you can just glance at a serving of food and say, that's too much thanks, let me get rid of half of that. Or look and say, that's just right, thanks, and eat only that portion, despite what other temptations might float by. It's magical because there's no struggle with yourself, no urge to eat more, no battling those "fill-me-to-the-rim" urges.

I never quite know which Ish will rise up when I'm confronted by a food challenge - will it be binge eater Ish? Controlled Ish (who tends to be something of a despot)? Stuff-yer-face-then-feel guilty Ish? Vigilant Ish (my favorite one, obviously)?

It's a scary feeling.

With any luck, that scary feeling will dissipate the more I focus on my portions. It must, right?

I am pleased to report that in the midst of an awful terrible day on Friday (I was sick and on a long, boring assignment in NJ in a torrential downpour), I did something I never thought I'd be able to do.

I spent the entire day with no eating options other than fast-food, and still got my calorie count in under 1,800.

I fought off lots of over-eating and binge impulses, and kept telling myself it was ok to eat at Wendy's (and Burger King later), but I just had to control how much I consumed. Start small, eat slow was my mantra.

Breakfast, lunch and dinner was fast-food, and by simply keeping everything small-sized, I got through the day.

Late that night, driving back through the Holland Tunnel, I felt sick as a dog from all the crap food. But that's another story. I was quite pleased that for one day, I'd slayed the mythical food dragon and made it to Shangri-la.


  1. Well, there are so many things that go into food issues that just losing weight won't make them go away. Heck - thin people who have never been overweight have food issues as well. I find I still have some of the same issues, like certain foods that I just cannot seem to control myself around.

    What I have learned, though, is to not fear food, and that just came with time and trusting myself that one binge does not mean I will gain back 100 pounds or that I am a failure or anything like that.

    You can always deliberately test yourself if you want to see how you are doing by putting yourself into an uncomfortable situation. Sometimes you will win and sometimes you won't. It is more the reaction to the "won't" that is the important factor, IMHO.

  2. Well done on the fast food - that's no mean feat. I think food will always be an issue for me - it's whether I'm on top of it or not that's key. Sometimes that seems exhausting but I hope it will just become second nature - some day!

  3. Wow, Ish, that IS a success! What a great step in the right direction. I'm not sure I'd have fared quite as well. Impressive.

  4. That is quite an accomplishment! I love how you describe Shangri-la. I wonder if/when I will be "normal" - not think about food and what I am going to eat. Just eat healthy stuff when I am hungry.