Friday, January 28, 2011

The Gall of It All

This is going to get a little graphic, so the squeamish among us should avert their eyes. Nothing X-rated or sexy coming (more's the pity). No, it's all...uh, more digestively related.

I've been to see a doctor about my "condition."

What's that, you ask? Well, it's what I thought was a common occurrence among people who eat a lot of veggies and beans. Ahem.

I've tried Beano, I've tried Gas-X. I've tried homeopathic charcoal caps. And yet still there are moments when I could fill in for the entire tuba section of the Boston Pops. I could be my own Macy's Day Parade balloon with all the self-produced nitrogen.

At a certain point, one has to accept that the "condition" is just not normal. That is to say, even on a diet known to produce tremendous flatulence, there is a Rubicon to be crossed. When you surpass the maximum average output known to mankind and begin to match that of a cow -- a ruminate creature with FIVE stomachs -- then you know you have a problem.

According to the tummy doc I consulted on Wednesday night, it's my gall bladder. Exactly what -- inflammation, a stone, actual gall bladder disease -- we don't know.

Actually we don't know that it IS my gall bladder. But now I have to go through a battery of tests to find out. All I can say is ICK.

If my alternatives weren't so crap -- basically spend the rest of my life as a walking, human Whoopee Cushion -- I'd gracefully bow out of this.

I hate having to undergo pokes and prods. But if there's one glimmer of hope that one day I can regain the ability to digest even a simple salad, I must pursue it. My diet right now consists of yogurt, cottage cheese,, yogurt.

Positive notes: My newfangled orthotics are here! Going to a fitting on Monday. They came in a few days after I read a NYTimes article on... (you know it's coming) how useless orthotics are for foot problems. Riiiiiighhht. Tell me this after I spent $400, you jerks.

But I will try them, because it can't hurt and they are paid for.

And because my stomach hurts, I will go get my blood tests and sonograms and everything else the doctor wants. But I draw the line at an endoscopy and/or colonoscopy right away, because there will be no intruding into the inner sanctums until I'm convinced it's medically necessary.

Other Positive Note: the skinny jeans definitely are looser this week. Still not quite as loose as they were last Xmas but better than two months ago. I'm a few pounds away from being back where I was.


On a bad note, the stupid stomach doc weighed me at the end of the day, after I'd eaten, with full clothes on AND massive LL Bean workboots borrowed from my nephew that weigh at least 4lbs each.

I swear, that doctor is lucky he escaped the examining room alive after that disaster.

Will be checking in with all of you over the weekend. Hope everyone is well!


  1. Weird...I would think the gallbladder would start having that influence if you were eating high fat...but your not! All I can say is that if it is your GB, get that bitch yanked out. It was the best thing I ever did. Don't fear! I digest things just fine without it, unless I binge my ass off, which isn't good for any organ I guess. Hope doc works that shit out quick-I imagine it is super painful to keep it in, which limits going out in public right? ;-) Or do you just point to the dude walking next to you and shake your head...haha

    Polar's Mom

  2. I didn't realize the gb could do that either. Don't we all get a little more tooty as we age (oops, don't know how old you are). Anywayzzz, I hope you feel better and soon. I've had the colonoscopy and the procedure is far better than the prep (believe me). PS - I've been wearing orthotics (the expensive kind) for years, even when I was a 120 lb aerobic instructor and they work...yes, they do.

  3. I have the same issues when I eat gluten...uncomfortable!!!

    I have now fully and completely accepted in my mind that gluten is not a friend to my body and we have parted ways.

    Now I just have the regular fruit and vegetable toots!!!

    I had my gallbladder out a few years ago as it was stone city and giving me the most painful attacks. It was worse than my labour so I was thrilled to have it out.

    Good luck and I hope the docs get to the "bottom" of your troubles.

  4. I never knew that gall bladder issues could cause gas. Interesting.

    Hope you can get to the cause of the problem. I hope it isn't lactose intolerance with you eating all the dairy.

  5. I never realized this either. I guess you can be happy that you know what it is.

  6. I agree with Lori - I never knew the gallbladder was related to gas. To be honest, I still don't have a clue what the gallbladder does. Hopefully they get this straightened out without too much invasive work! Cheers, Rick

  7. Oh damn. So sorry to hear about the stomach problems. If it helps, a friend of mine had her gallbladder out, and it was a very non invasive procedure, and she felt SOOOOO much better very very quickly. Keep us posted on how you are feeling....I'm sending healthy healing thoughts your way!!!!

  8. So this was pretty interesting to me. I often joke about the gas in our house. Mine has gotten worse as I have gotten older. I thought it was just an increasing intolerance to certain foods, after all, Dr. Oz says we all do it:) I never heard of that gall bladder connection. BTW - beans don't do it to me, I guess because I eat them so often now. I'll be interested to see what you find out. BTW - several years ago when this first started and I was having some other gastrointestinal symptoms, I did have both of the tests you are putting off. And more. Showed nothing. Sigh.

  9. OMGoodness. This "condition" must have you questioning a few times the value of "eating healthy" if you're just about to die of embarrassment anyway. I work for surgeons who do a lot of gallbladder surgeries and 99% of the time, patients do feel better after the surgery. You have a bit of an unusual presentation, though. I do hope you get relief FAST. Congrats on the skinny jeans being loose. THAT has to feel good.


  10. Well let the doc find out what's what and go from there. No since in worrying yet. Next time you weigh in wear your sneakers, that will show a huge loss and that will make the doctor wonder what else is happening. Skinny jeans, yeah for you. You are doing fine, get that doctoring done and keep rocking along.
    Take care and thank you so much for stopping by. Have a blessed week.

  11. I have always had that problem, to much tooting. I've just sort of learned to deal with it because it only embarrassing, not painful.

  12. I make my MD wait until I take off everything I can that won't cause blindness or hysteria before I weigh. I assume they asked you to stop veggies to rule out that as a cause? Best of luck with all of this. xo GP