I shall turn an ankle in my killer heels and likely spill something on my dress, but I am excited for my friend's wedding today.
This being a fancy event full of all sorts of people, I'm naturally beset with a bit of anxiety and worry. There are a million negative thoughts that keep trying to get in my head -- what another blogger I know might term "evil little voices."
At various times today I've had panicked, can't breathe moment because:
1) My dress is a plain gray sack that I grabbed off a sale rack yesterday. It's not the ugliest dress I've ever seen, but I look sedate and matronly rather than young and vivacious.
2) The color does not go with my strawberry blondish hair at all.
3) Riding my bicycle in sandals has given me a zebra-stripe tan on my feet that is all too visible when I don my new killer heels. It looks like I have dirty feet.
4) The biggie: I feel like a fat cow in my dress and in my shoes, not a graceful butterfly.
Maybe all of these are true. Maybe, in the grand scheme of things, I am a fat cow with odd-colored hair and dirty feet who looks like somebody's grandmother (in many cultures, I am old enough to be a grandmother!).
But for this day -- and who knows, maybe forever -- I have decided that I just don't care.
Nope. I don't care. I don't care if I look like I weigh 400 lbs. I don't care if I'm the worst-dressed woman at the wedding.
I am going to go and have fun -- and that doesn't mean pig out, or get drunk, or do anything extreme so I can take myself "out" of the experience.
I'm going to be comfortable in my own skin. And I'm going to stay present in the beautiful moment so I can really celebrate with my friend.
And I am not -- NOT -- going to twist an ankle. And if I do take a misstep, the BF is going down with me. At least there will be two of us in an embarrassing sprawl on the floor then and not just me!
February 20th, 2018 Certain Freedoms
20 hours ago