Saturday, January 30, 2010

Somebody Throw Me a Parachute

I'm sinking -- fast!

This week has not gone well. At all.

Some things are out of my control, like the weather. It's so cold here right now that walking to work is impossible. That's my default exercise, and I'm missing it.

But other things aren't out of my control -- I've allowed them to get out of control!!! Like my eating, which has skidded off track and become a runaway freight train.

Let me break it down in black and white so it can stare me in the face:

Tuesday was ok, but a big dinner out with steak frites. Not my normal nighttime consumption.

Wednesday was awful. I broke my golden rule at work and dipped into the digestive biscuits placed out on the shared food table, then had two slices of the chocolate rum cake I brought back from the Bahamas for the office. THEN I proceeded to have a sandwich later in the day, I think.

And we had our friend over dinner. That was a fairly ok meal, I just didn't need to eat anything at all at that point. I wasn't hungry.

Thursday was ok until I started on my way home. I had stomach pains, but don't know why. Stopped and got a bag (not huge, but not tiny either) of Combo cheese and pretzel snacks. They're complete poison, but I ate them. Then had dinner on top of it.

Friday was the worst yet, I think. The yearning for carbs was so strong. I had a scone around 10am -- after my usual very filling breakfast of cottage cheese and blueberries. Absolutely no need to eat it, in terms of hunger.

Then I got a bagel with cream cheese and salmon. The only thing I can say about this is that it was free -- but I didn't know that when I picked it up off the shelf with my coffee. I was just looking to eat. And I was already so full from the scone.

I didn't eat for awhile after that, but late afternoon ran out and got two half sandwiches -- chicken and basil and a hummus with veggies. Ate those with soy chips. A bag for each half sandwich. Way, way way too much.

On the way home, a small bag of sesame stick snacks.

Home for a totally unnecessary dinner, which was small potatoes and a piece of lamb, since it was the B/F's night to cook.

Did I mention that I've been drinking wine almost every night this week? A few glasses, but still...that always leads to overeating. Whenever my French friend is around, and he's been here a lot this week, there is wine.

And we have a dinner tonight with friends.

In writing this all down, I'm now declaring the days of snacking and stuffing over. I'm not sure if I'm reacting to the week of almost no food, or if it's stress.

Since coming back we've been hit with lots of bad news vis-a-vis two dear friends' parents, plus I had to reintegrate into my anxiety-laden job.

Whatever the reason, it has to stop. Now.

Tomorrow I have plenty of time to spend at the gym. And Monday too. That will help sort me out, I'm sure. A good workout always puts things right.

And Monday night we have the opera! A fun excuse to dress up. More on that later.

But I've got to pull my head out of whatever swamp it's in. The food I've been eating has been doing me no good. Whatever my problem is right now, eating isn't the answer.


  1. Looks like you need your Vigilance-Girl cape back. In all seriousness, I hope next week is better for you. You are so strong and you have come a long way - don't let this defeat you! I wish there were a parachute I could hand you that would bring you out of it, but as you know there isn't. I can only offer my encouragement and I'm sending lots of that your way!

  2. Ish, you aren't far enough away to need a parachute yet - how about you just grab onto my hand! Come on, I'll help pull you back in.

  3. Hey Ish, it sounds like you've been hit with one interruption after another. You've had a few weeks that were far off your routine (and mostly outside of your control). But you can & WILL get back there! Just control the things you can, and don't beat yourself up too much over those things you can't control (and certainly don't let them control you!). Kepp your head up and I know we'll see the true Ish soon! :)

    Oh, and thanks for the note about the Opera. You'll have to post about how it went!!

  4. Sometimes when a lot of things are happening to us at once we turn to our friend food to comfort us.

    Maybe take some time to pinpoint the specific reason for not caring about what you eat and looking at that.

    Sending you some hugs!!! Take care.