Monday, May 24, 2010

Developing My Long Game

I'm all about the sports analogies today because the French Open is on. Nothing like staring at The Tennis Channel endlessly to make you feel like a slug.

I spent most of this week running around like crazy for work. I managed to walk in the mornings and get in some decent gym time, but not as much as I would have liked.

This weekend had some challenges...some handled well, others not.

Friday was a crazy day. Had time for my usually yummy breakfast. But no lunch until late in the day. And dinner was even later -- and I really feel like I shouldn't have eaten it all. I wasn't really hungry at that point, and it was like 10pm. The good news is that I did have a healthy lunch even though I was starving and it was about 5pm (I'd had breakfast at 8am). It was soup and a half sandwich, carefully calorie-counted.

Saturday was decent, regular breakfast, soup for lunch, cashews for snack, and a dinner out. I split a shrimp cocktail with the B/F and for dinner had the fresh scallops. Love them, and they are incredibly low-calorie and high protein. Of course, it came on a pile of creamy asparagus risotto. You know that was loaded with butter.

No dessert, but a few bites of the B/F/s apple tart. And of course, a couple glasses of wine with dinner. Sigh..the wine continues to be a problem.

Sunday was an afternoon party for a friend. In a deli, no less. It was one of those shower things that are full of all sorts of people you don't know and forced gaiety and tons and tons of food. Ugh.

I'd say I did pretty good, choices considering. One piece of bread, a piece of chicken (skin removed), one small potato pancake hors d'ouevre, a small piece of stuffed cabbage and beets.

I was really looking forward to the dessert cake, thinking it would have to be delicious. It was not. At all. Of course, I was insanely disappointed by that.

But I'm happy that I put the cake down once I realized it wasn't any good. In the past, I'd have eaten it anyway. This time I was able to quite reasonably tell myself there was no point in eating something that tasted gross just because it was cake.

But once I got home (hours later than I wanted), things went downhill. I had wine when I didn't need to have a glass (breaking my Sat-night only rule), and then cheese and crackers.

It was -- if not a binge exactly -- a lot of unnecessary eating. I wasn't hungry at all. I was tired, and cranky, and just a wee bit unhappy, I think.

I struggled a bit this morning with the negativity backlash -- flickers of shame and anger and self-loathing (and frustration and irritation and disgust). Then I decided to let it go. There's just no point in beating yourself up -- what's done is done. Even Serena Williams has her off days. But she always comes back, doesn't she?

I am an emotional eater, and I think that urge is always going to be there -- especially when I'm tired and cranky.

So...I'm not feeling great today, but it's been worse. At most I put on a few pounds on the scale since Saturday.

On the other hand, my skinny jeans are ever so slowly getting looser around the hips and upper thighs. If it weren't for my "problem area" I'd already be down another size, I think, because these jeans gape awfully at the waist and are baggy everywhere but that section.

But you know me -- pear-shaped loser to the end! Progress is being made, it's just very sllllloooooooowwwwww.


  1. "Forced gaiety" sounds like pure torture. I constantly struggle with the binging, self-loathing and shame. One day I will overcome it. I just have to find that one thing the that clicks for me. Until then, I am in it for the long game too.

  2. Sometimes I find myself bingeing if I am disappointed with a food that I had given too high expectations too and it was not good. Then there is that food void I try to fill.

    Self loathing does no good, and is something you have to work at nipping in the bud. We so often talk to ourselves in a negative way and it becomes habitual. Practice saying positive things to yourself about how you are going to eat and how treating your body with the respect it deserves will get you to your goal.

    I'm a pear, too. And I eat a lot of pears. Coincidence??

  3. I think you did amazingly - putting down the cake especially. I'd have eaten it and then eaten something else in a fury because the cake was not as good as I wanted. Twisted, moi?! I think it's good you had supper or you'd have woken up ravenous. And I can completely understand that having done so well all day how you ran out of virtue at the end of the day! Still, more than 80% angel there I think - the pareto effect means that you can claim saintliness nonetheless.

    Peridot x