Hot 100

It's that time of year again! Hot 100, here I come.

My goals are simple:

1) Build my endurance until I can jog for five miles
2) Lose 25 lbs
3) Eat weight-loss portions EVERY MEAL

Of all of these, I think that # 3 is perhaps the most important. It's the behavioral foundation of my long-term goal of learning to be satisfied with less food. Eat less to weigh less, as the old saying goes.

This week I drew particular comfort from something that *Bitchcakes* wrote about. For those of you who haven't checked out her blog, Bitchcakes is a fiercely independent and out there weight-loss blogger who has achieved tremendous things, and is incredibly dedicated to working out. Her energy levels are awe-inducing.

She recently made her goal weight -- something that, try as I might, I just cannot ever truly believe will happen to me. I want to believe it, I make every effort to force myself to believe it, but ... always there is fear and doubt.

This week she spoke about handling a binge, or a less than perfect day. It helped me recover from a less than perfect day on Monday and then on Tuesday, as we returned from the Catskills. It was stressful to return to the city, get caught in terrible United Nations traffic (thanks Ahmadinejad) for the General Assembly, and have to rush around trying to get back to work and unpack and go shopping and return the car. It set off a mini-binge.

I truly wish it hadn't happened. But it did, and there's no taking it back, or changing it. Yesterday I suited up and biked to work, and then made sure to hit the gym on the way home. It wasn't a great workout (low blood sugar, but more on that in a minute) but it was something. And I jogged again, even though my knees have been stiff and creaky since the mega-hike on Sunday. Those steep downhills are murder on tender joints!

I biked again today, and will run again today, I hope. Even if it's just for 10 minutes, and then back to walking. I can run for much longer (albeit it very slowly) but my knees are somewhat inflamed still.

I am having a problem sticking to my weight-loss habits for longer than 3 or 4 days at a time. This is not good. I need a long time "clean" to start dropping weight again. I'll never make progress if I do great for the weekdays and lose it on weekends. It's a terrible cycle -- work hard to lose 1 or 2 lbs all week, then blow it every weekend. Ugh, I hate it.

This weekend has more challenges. The b/f will be gone for business. That means I'll be home alone Friday and Saturday nights. I should be happy at this -- full control of the kitchen, for once! Instead I'm worried. In the past, any change in routine has meant a binge.

There's something about having nobody home that incites me to go too far -- nobody's watching, you see. I've planned a big activity with friends for Sunday. It won't involve much physical activity beyond light walking, but it's much better than sitting at home alone. And I have to get up very early on Sunday, so I am hoping this will reduce the temptation to stay up late and stuff myself on Saturday.

Forewarned is forearmed.

If I can get through the next four days without a binge (or even just over-eating) I will declare a major personal victory.

On another note, I'm having a problem getting through the afternoon without a major blood sugar drop, usually around 5pm. I like to leave work, bike home and hit the gym for a while, and many times recently I've had to curtail parts because of dizziness. I've experimented with Luna bars, Kashi bars, apples, even some nuts, but I find it hard to get something in me that gives me the long-term kick I need (and isn't high calorie). The other problem is that even if I eat a Luna bar, say...and it gets me through my workout and home, I'm so starving by the time I get there that I can't wait for dinner and start snacking while I prepare the meal.

Last night I ate two slices of mozzarella low fat cheese and a serving of cottage cheese when I got in because I was about to keel over. I'd had to stop running because I was so weak feeling. I guess if that was all I ate for dinner it would have been ok, but it wasn't. I had some swordfish and Brussels sprouts too. It all adds up.

Anyway, any suggestions? What's a good thing to eat in late afternoon for a long power snack? Preferably under 250 calories. I'd do some kind of nut butter, but forget it..I can never stop eating that once I start.